shes got so much things to say right now

ah, so much has happened yet so little has changed me but here i am, back again, in front of the screen, in this little room in the back of this office. oh how i hate it here. i wish i could quit, wish i could find a new job. no call backs, no replies, hell, i wonder if they even recieve my e-mails? i've sent out dozens with no response. i pray this time someone replies because i can't take it here yet i've got no where else to go. i just need a new, good job. something where i can save money. something where i can be happy, talk to people, dress and do my hair. here, it is depressing, bland, smells like ciggarettes. my boss is a bitch and i miss my job from 12th grade at the pastry shop - that was happiness. this is depressing but thank god i'm not depressed anymore. i really had to push myself out of that. thank god he was there for me and believed i could get better. i think i was really low at that point. i think that many things i don't do are the result of my own insecurities. i'd like to feel prettier. i'd like to feel smarter. but those are feelings, feelings you can control right? maybe if i just started to believe in myself i'd feel both of those ways all of the time.

alot has happened in the news, a lot of it scary but i'm not scared. more just annoyed. annoyed that this world is so fucked and i had to be born into it. damnit. i mean why couldn't i be of my parents generation? my grandparents? now the world is overpopulated, the ice is about to melt and people just realized money isn't real after all the assholes on wall street "lost" it all. question, computers, good or bad? answer, bad???

but here i am again. wondering what i should be doing. and there is good stuck in my teeth again and i need to take a shower and i wonder how will the bills get paid? will i ever get a full-time job? no wonder people stay in one place for so long! once u finally get a job you must not want to give it up.

well nothing more to say. goodbye.