Long Time

It has been nearly 5 months since I have written for this blog but I think I'll return to it -- inspired by the necessity to understand all the world around me. Through I'll never understand all the world. I'm so saddened by the BP oil spill...the world just seems totally out of control.

Today I got a new door -- energy ebbing and flowing to my house. I watched as my uncle spent the afternoon chopping down the old red and white striped painted one, now with the missing panel, and harnessed a new door, more sturdy and all white. There was a tiff about the color of the new door. I wanted John to paint it as a duplicate of the old one. I wasn't sure what my uncle and my mom wanted but everyone had an opinion. For a moment, I felt like an animal covered in oil and I felt like I was dying. Awakened with energy I sped off in my car towards the Vietnamese restaurant. Anticipating traffic I drove faster, with none of the road I arrived like a demon, possessed by my own anger and emotions. Like a wretched beast on my shoulder clawing at the steering wheel I shuddered to my mother, I was off like a lighting bolt towards the sky, reaching out for help.

I arrived to eat and parked in the back of the restaurant, reluctant to enter and eat alone. Disappointed in myself with a sense of repetition and regret, I sat by the front and hesitated to look around. The food arrived as usual and the children's voices filled the air, but faded were their gentle sounds as I ate slow and talked fast on the phone with John.

The day progressed better - I heeded John's advice and persevered.

Love
Jaime xoxo

Credit: The Estate of Philippe Halsman/Laurence Miller Gallery